Works at New Life Intn’l Apostolic Ministry Attended Rhema Bible Training Center
Lives in Lincoln, Illinois
I have experienced depression, wanting to die more than wanting to live. Anxiety attacks. Medication that doesn’t take away the mental torment. Shaking all the time and can’t stop. Awake all night, dreading to see morning come. Wanting to kill myself so my husband could marry someone better than me. It is like going down a long dark tunnel and you know when you get near the end of it, that you can’t get back. Scared of that too and then more depression. I was a pastor. I knew the Scriptures.
I had been taught faith, the armor of God, prayer. I couldn’t believe I found myself in this place and then I had more depression because of that. I sought counsel. Talked to my superiors in my ministry organization. Talked to my friends, my husband. Called prayer lines of national ministries. Nothing was relieving me of the depression and anxiety.
Finally, one minister friend had the boldness to tell me: “If you don’t get ahold of yourself, you are going to wind up in the nursing home in a rocking chair twiddling your thumbs.” Another thing that really shook me was the day my daughter said: “I don’t like Mom any more!”
Those statements scared me more than the depression. I finally remembered the truth the Bible gives about ‘not wrestling flesh and blood’. I had forgotten this somewhere along the line. The minute that I acknowledge, that my fight with depression wasn’t with my circumstances, my past, or myself, but was with a force of darkness sent to destroy me, I woke up inside again. The fight started coming back. I started resisting the anxiety when it would come. The fear in the night. The desire to die.
It took me a few months of daily fighting the good fight of faith but I made steady progress each day as I stayed with it. I stayed with it for my daughter. My husband. My church family. Myself.
This has been many years ago now, but I have never forgotten what it was like to go down that dark hole and I never want to go there again. Does anxiety still attack me? From time to time. Depression/thoughts of giving up/I’m not worth anything? From time to time. I just remember the dark hole and what it did to me and those around me and I say: “No, I’m not giving place to you anymore!”
I didn’t realize it at the time, but the Holy Spirit took me through the 7 Steps that Pat and I are sharing with you in this book.
We have proven in our own lives that they work.
We know they will work for you.
We are praying for everyone who reads and then does these 7 steps.
Share your fight with us, we want to walk through to victory with you.